Coffee
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What I drink
I literally grew up on Folgers. Dad said it was "the best" after all. Besides, I was pleased to learn that coffee was allowed even in a diabetic diet so long as I drank it black... which is the only way to have it anyway. I tried Maxell House but hated it. I'm still not a fan. I sampled some of the Folgers' "flavored" coffees in college... they smell fantastic but I don't recommend them pre-exam.
During and after college the world was becoming saturated with Starbucks. I... had to. As a person who'd like to make coffee "extra strong" for like... my entire life... I wasn't THAT shocked by the flavor. Right up my alley in fact. And really, if you're buying actual COFFEE it's comparible in price to... well... anywhere. Still I liked the idea of "free" coffee even better, so I got a job there. My favorite is now Verona, "the coffee of love"... figures. I was surprised to suffer a bit of caffeine withdrawal while becoming acclimated to the new brew. Turns out that the longer roasting process... while offering a more robust flavor actually burns out some of the excess caffeine. I was further suprised to learn that there is even less caffeine in espresso than in a cup of coffee. But it kicks in faster... burns off quicker. Therefore my second favorite seven-dollar-a-cup-ish beverage at the Starbucks is a "red eye"... known by like eighty five other names... my other favorite name being "foglifter": cup of coffee with a couple espresso shots in it. Now you have the long lasting coffee caffeine and the faster kick in espresso caffeine. I nearly have an annurism every time I drink one of these.
My favorite $7 beverage at the Starbucks is the White Chocolate Mocha. I therefore nearly never buy one though try to find some sort of special circumstance once a year to get one. I've talked myself out of getting them many a time... primarily since I'm far more likely to have the $2 for the coffee than the $7 for that beverage on me... and secondly because - having worked there - I was aware of the name of the beverage the marketing department had turned down before settling on "White Chocolate Mocha", that one being "Diabetic Coma in a Cup".
A few weeks ago someone on a diet taught me that there actually ARE calories in coffee, unless it's decaf. I did some research and came up with this: no one knows how many. Oh sure, they may say they do, but for every site proclaiming 2 calories for 6 oz, there's another site swearing there's 16 calories for every 8oz. Of course, those same sites think there are no calories in a shot of espresso, but somehow there are 30 calories in an Americano. Apparently they did their research at an establishment that uses sugar water. I'm still torn as to weather or not it's the trace vitamin and mineral content of coffee leading to the calorie content... or if it's the caffeine. In which case every diet soda on the market is lying. This wouldn't surprise me. In any case even if the calories are as high as reported, the amount I'd have to drink to even impact my blood sugar far surpases the number of hours available in the day to consume it unless I revert to my collegian sleep schedule of 3 hours a week and non stop Team Fortress Classic marathons.
Meth Coffee
My old college roommate found this for me. An interesting marketing strategy... but just funny as hell to watch: this product does not actually contain methamphetamines. It may even be what they're using as that "super" coffee they're selling at the Speedway gas stations these days for all I know. Don't expect to find this in a Starbucks any day soon.
Dear agent,
I am dispatching to you a sample of the smooth and highly seismicalogical coffee bean substance. Try this new flammable specimen, but distribute with caution! METH COFFEE, a volatitherapeutic beverage, is formulated after chemical confetti and wakes zombies, fucks with perfectionists, straightens drunks, rattles teetotalers, revs vandals in search of impetus, brightens house chores AND CUTS BOREDOM LIKE A GODDAMN RAZOR. METH COFFEE may promote feelings of mania, zania, euthanasia, fantasia, and all manner of paranoia. DO NOT DRINK ALONE. METH COFFEE SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED BY minors, bilous baby handlers, hazlenut flavor whores, swill consumers, anger management seminar attendees, road ragers, or cup cradling hand warmers unable to handle upward shifts in speed and mobility. METH COFFEE is available WHOLE BEAN and POWDER modes, the INDICATIONS of which should be researched before being undertaken. METH COFFEE can also be experienced vicariosly in WEARABLE and GIFTABLE forms. Agent, I've been testing its effects. On day one, hair stands like pins... day two, head becomes sounding board for mental transmissions... day three, seeing motion in stanstill. The spies have been watching me roast our coffee substance over open flame. I cannot see them, but I know they're there!
I transmit! I transmit!
While I was out selling they confiscated the formula, but they didn't find the hidden bags. I'm guarding residual specimens and have means to duplicate. Do you hear me? I've been talking to you! I hide underground and await your further transmissions.
Yours,
The Roaster
"And cuts boredom like a goddamn razor"... I love that.
I literally grew up on Folgers. Dad said it was "the best" after all. Besides, I was pleased to learn that coffee was allowed even in a diabetic diet so long as I drank it black... which is the only way to have it anyway. I tried Maxell House but hated it. I'm still not a fan. I sampled some of the Folgers' "flavored" coffees in college... they smell fantastic but I don't recommend them pre-exam.
During and after college the world was becoming saturated with Starbucks. I... had to. As a person who'd like to make coffee "extra strong" for like... my entire life... I wasn't THAT shocked by the flavor. Right up my alley in fact. And really, if you're buying actual COFFEE it's comparible in price to... well... anywhere. Still I liked the idea of "free" coffee even better, so I got a job there. My favorite is now Verona, "the coffee of love"... figures. I was surprised to suffer a bit of caffeine withdrawal while becoming acclimated to the new brew. Turns out that the longer roasting process... while offering a more robust flavor actually burns out some of the excess caffeine. I was further suprised to learn that there is even less caffeine in espresso than in a cup of coffee. But it kicks in faster... burns off quicker. Therefore my second favorite seven-dollar-a-cup-ish beverage at the Starbucks is a "red eye"... known by like eighty five other names... my other favorite name being "foglifter": cup of coffee with a couple espresso shots in it. Now you have the long lasting coffee caffeine and the faster kick in espresso caffeine. I nearly have an annurism every time I drink one of these.
My favorite $7 beverage at the Starbucks is the White Chocolate Mocha. I therefore nearly never buy one though try to find some sort of special circumstance once a year to get one. I've talked myself out of getting them many a time... primarily since I'm far more likely to have the $2 for the coffee than the $7 for that beverage on me... and secondly because - having worked there - I was aware of the name of the beverage the marketing department had turned down before settling on "White Chocolate Mocha", that one being "Diabetic Coma in a Cup".
A few weeks ago someone on a diet taught me that there actually ARE calories in coffee, unless it's decaf. I did some research and came up with this: no one knows how many. Oh sure, they may say they do, but for every site proclaiming 2 calories for 6 oz, there's another site swearing there's 16 calories for every 8oz. Of course, those same sites think there are no calories in a shot of espresso, but somehow there are 30 calories in an Americano. Apparently they did their research at an establishment that uses sugar water. I'm still torn as to weather or not it's the trace vitamin and mineral content of coffee leading to the calorie content... or if it's the caffeine. In which case every diet soda on the market is lying. This wouldn't surprise me. In any case even if the calories are as high as reported, the amount I'd have to drink to even impact my blood sugar far surpases the number of hours available in the day to consume it unless I revert to my collegian sleep schedule of 3 hours a week and non stop Team Fortress Classic marathons.
Meth Coffee
My old college roommate found this for me. An interesting marketing strategy... but just funny as hell to watch: this product does not actually contain methamphetamines. It may even be what they're using as that "super" coffee they're selling at the Speedway gas stations these days for all I know. Don't expect to find this in a Starbucks any day soon.
Dear agent,
I am dispatching to you a sample of the smooth and highly seismicalogical coffee bean substance. Try this new flammable specimen, but distribute with caution! METH COFFEE, a volatitherapeutic beverage, is formulated after chemical confetti and wakes zombies, fucks with perfectionists, straightens drunks, rattles teetotalers, revs vandals in search of impetus, brightens house chores AND CUTS BOREDOM LIKE A GODDAMN RAZOR. METH COFFEE may promote feelings of mania, zania, euthanasia, fantasia, and all manner of paranoia. DO NOT DRINK ALONE. METH COFFEE SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED BY minors, bilous baby handlers, hazlenut flavor whores, swill consumers, anger management seminar attendees, road ragers, or cup cradling hand warmers unable to handle upward shifts in speed and mobility. METH COFFEE is available WHOLE BEAN and POWDER modes, the INDICATIONS of which should be researched before being undertaken. METH COFFEE can also be experienced vicariosly in WEARABLE and GIFTABLE forms. Agent, I've been testing its effects. On day one, hair stands like pins... day two, head becomes sounding board for mental transmissions... day three, seeing motion in stanstill. The spies have been watching me roast our coffee substance over open flame. I cannot see them, but I know they're there!
I transmit! I transmit!
While I was out selling they confiscated the formula, but they didn't find the hidden bags. I'm guarding residual specimens and have means to duplicate. Do you hear me? I've been talking to you! I hide underground and await your further transmissions.
Yours,
The Roaster
"And cuts boredom like a goddamn razor"... I love that.